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Apart from all the warm feelings you have as a new mum, you will also feel plenty of worry but also a creeping feeling of guilt. We have listed a few of the most common anxieties and feelings of guilt new mums confront, and how to deal with them.

Our expectations of the type of mothers we strive to be are sometimes too high and we feel guilty that we miss the person we were before motherhood.

The desperation of a crying baby

We are all told about the crying and have possibly heard about the torture of colicky babies, but until you are up every hour of the night with a crying baby you will not understand the utter exhaustion it can cause.

You will think your there is something wrong with your baby or think he is the only baby to cry that much. You will possibly cry with exhaustion and feel like a failure. The more your stress builds up, the more he cries, and the more you stress. A vicious circle.

Break the circle and take a few minutes to centre yourself. With your anxiety, tiredness and stress you will not be able to understand why your child cries or comfort him. Maybe you need to change the routine or how you comfort your child, and you can only do this with a clear mind.

Don’t get stuck in set ideas or other people’s warnings, sometimes you just need to bend the rules to get the rest you need, even if it means getting into the cot with your baby. Babies change and breaking a rule does not mean you will have to live with it forever. At the end of the day, or night, a rested parent feels better than one racked by guilt and exhaustion. Once you are feeling better, you can deal with the routines you are not happy with.

Not always loving motherhood

You are not automatically suffering from post natal depression, because you resent all the needs you continuously have to fulfil, or because you miss being free to do whatever you want. Tiredness, worry and stress can at times make you look at your baby and wonder why you have that needy little package in your life.

Those feelings are of course nothing compared to the feelings of guilt you will have for having those thoughts in the first place. Just accept that sometimes you can’t help yourself and that being a little selfish keeps you sane. Don’t disregard your own needs, as you will not be doing anyone any favours and resentment could build up.

Do the hardest thing a new mum needs learn, which is to accept help, admit to not being a supermum, hand over your baby to someone you trust and do something you enjoy. You will be a happier and more patient mum because of it.

Lacking maternal instincts?

You will often be told to trust yourself and your instincts, that you know what is best for your baby. As a new parent, no advice seems to be as useless as that. How are you going to trust your instincts if you don’t know what you are doing?

You will likely scour the net for information and end up more worried about the possible problems your baby may be experience.

Maternal instincts have more to do with knowing your baby and yourself as a mother, and will be developing throughout your motherhood. You will recognise facial expressions, body language and noises and your baby’s cries. They will all mean different things, hunger, being hot, uncomfortable, dirty nappy, and so on.

You will eventually learn how to trust yourself. It will mean that you will adapt your parenting style to the type of mother you are and there is no point going against your own nature. You may be advised to let your baby cry himself to sleep, and while you are crying on the other side of the door and feeling it is wrong, you are ignoring your instincts. The key is listening to that little voice inside you and do what feels right to you, and if you happen to stumble on the way it will not be a disaster.

Relationship on a slippery slope

Babies can be the best contraceptive for many couples, and you will both wonder when your interest for sex will return. It is not something that just happens to women, men can often experience the same disinterest for sex once the baby is taking up all your energies.

In the early days of parenthood, sleep will be prioritised above anything, including conversation with your spouse. You will also notice that your conversations will only involve your baby, his development, feeding and sleeping patterns, and even the texture of his dirty nappies.

You may have to solve your intimacy issues by simply booking time for the two of you, a date night. Being conscious of the problem and not ignoring it is probably the best you will be able to do in the beginning. Build support around you, people that can help out even for an hour, even if it only means you do the grocery shopping with your partner. Everyone has to start somewhere, the point is to share and talk.